Have you paid attention to your inner voice? That’s “the voice” inside your head blaming you, when you make mistakes at work or stumble with relationships. That’s “the voice” telling you that you are lazy when you need rest or making you feel guilty when you try to bring more joy into your life. That’s “the voice” scolding you to stay strong and smile, when you want to cry.

Our inner voices always seem to utter something negative. We receive the harshest and most persistent criticisms not from others but from ourselves. The parts we cannot forgive in ourselves are the same parts we criticize in others. When you constantly hear your negative voice about yourself, you tend to be critical toward others and subsequently your relationships are adversely affected. I tried to let go of my negative voice, but it was difficult. The change arrived recently.

I write a journal in the morning. If something is bothering me from the previous day, I write about it. I realize the voice inside me has become very kind to me. For example, “under the circumstances, it is totally understandable why you were so upset. You did a great job not to explode.” Or when I was too angry to hold back and showed my emotion, “it was courageous that you expressed how you felt!” When I treat myself with such compassion and forgiveness, I experience my lingering feeling suddenly released. I hope I can forgive all parts of myself one day.

How did the change happen? About 3 years ago, I quit my work of 16 years and went back to a graduate school in order to become a life coach. My mentors (teachers) at Sofia University gave me the kindest, most affirmative words that I had ever heard of in my life for every paper I turned in. I felt that my being was 100% accepted, and I received a constant flow of positive regards beyond words. Without my knowledge, my body absorbed these words of affirmation and became my own. I am very grateful to realize that gentle voices inside me are the words from my mentors and ultimately from something bigger and deeper.

Please talk to yourself gently. It will change yourself and everyone around you.